Episode 11-Why You Need a Vision for Your Marriage
Hey Mama who just might be feeling disconnected from her husband during this busy holiday season…or even this busy season of life. I have said and thought many times in my life, “This is just not how I pictured it.”
I’ve said this in moments of utmost joy, confusion, and even disappointment about Momming, my career, friendships, and ministry work. They’ve all been different than I imagined.
And how about MARRIAGE!! This was an area where I had wild imaginings of perfection. Name who you think is the perfect couple. That’s what I pictured for me.
Well enter life…enter reality. The truth is marriage has been one of the most difficult undertakings in my life. You too?
Most of us come into marriage (just as we do parenting, and life for that matter) imagining a glorified picture of what marriage will truly be like.
Here’s the thing – most of us have pictures of our marriages that have us longing for what no one really has. Complete understanding, endless dating, on-fire intimacy, unending forgiveness, no harsh words, full agreement on how to raise our kids.
These old pictures lead to lots of shoulds, comparisons with those couples we perceive as ideal, disappointment in who we’re married actually married to, unmet expectations, sadness even grief over what we believe is supposed to be.
We need a new vision for our marriage. This vision comes from assessing where we are, so we can see where we want it to be. In-between what is and what could be, there are action steps we can to take.
Having a vision, ideally written down, and even more ideally put together on a vision board, keeps this new vision in front of us. The scientific evidence is clear – what we keep in front of us, in our minds and visually – we move toward.
Ask yourself these three questions to formulate a vision for your marriage - one you can enjoy today…and even more tomorrow as you work toward the more realistic picture of what you’d like for your relationship.
1. What is the greatest area of satisfaction in my marriage? What works well…and is maybe even better than I imagined?
2. What is an area that feels lacking in my relationship with my spouse? (Examples – intimacy (physical or emotional), forgiveness, even just five minutes a day where we intentionally talk without interruption, humor…)
3. What one step can I take today to bridge what is with what I’d like it to be? Imagine your answer, print out a picture of it, write a note about it, post it somewhere you can remember this one thing you can work on now.
Last week, I talked about a vision for you, Mama, as an individual. This week I’ve talked about a vision for your marriage. Next week, I’ll talk about a vision for your parenting.
Just in case you’re ready for more, here’s a link to my Vision Board Instructions, complete with a Materials list. It’s my gift to you.
Free Vision Board Instructions here!
Dear Lord, Will you please give this Mama peace in this busiest of seasons? Give her an opportunity to experience your light and love. Help her to breathe deeply. And Lord, would you give her an appreciation for the good things in her marriage right here, right now…while you also plant a new vision in her mind for what small and easy changes she can make to have the marriage of her dreams? Thank you Lord that you meet us right where we are…and love us completely as we are. Help this Mama to believe this truth today, to know she is enough! In Jesus’ name, Amen.