Episode 25 - Why Mom Guilt is a Waste of Time and 5 Ways to Get Rid of It

Do you ever think you’re not a good enough as a mom? Or maybe you even think you’re messing up your kids? 

There’s a name for this – it’s called Mom Guilt. 

Pretty much every mom suffers from this to some degree. How could we not? There is no playbook. Maybe as the kids have gotten older you sometimes lose it, yelling and screaming…

Or your five-year-old’s separation anxiety has you thinking there is some kind of bonding issue you’ve caused. Or maybe you get overwhelmed by all the things you have to juggle. 

I’ll stop there. But I can assure you, there are lots more opportunities for you to embrace mom guilt ahead. 

Did you ever hear the term “monkey on your back”? It often refers to a burdensome problem or issue you just can’t shake…like if you had a monkey clinging to your back. Imagine this monkey on your back that you can’t shake, whispering things in your ear like, 

“You’re a terrible mom!”

“What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get it together?”

“See…You say you want to stop screaming, but you blew it again today when Rebecca had her fit. You’ll never change!”

Or the all encompassing
“You’ve ruined your kids for life!”

Yeah – that monkey on your back – it’s you. Maybe that was never you. Or maybe you’ve overcome this trash talking to yourself. 

But I’m going to challenge you to pay attention to what you say to yourself when you feel like you’ve responded the wrong way, or you think your kids should be doing what their kids are doing, or you look at that insta post and wonder why your family isn’t always happy and stress-free? 

What’s at the root of all this Mom Guilt? 

You may be shoulding all over yourself. You should be or do this or that and you’re not. 

Comparison, perfectionism, people-pleasing. 
Lies, Stinkin’ Thinkin’, Fear, Doubts, Overwhelm, Dashed Expectations, Absolutes – never and always. 

All of these contribute to Mom Guilt. 

And can I tell you – Mom Guilt is a waste of time. You can waste precious energy stuck in the past, lamenting what you’ve done wrong, when you could put that limited store of energy toward the future and the changes you want to make. 

So what can you do about Mom Guilt? 

1. Pay Attention
What are you saying to yourself? What triggers your mom guilt? Fill in the blank – I feel like I’m not a good mom or I’m going to damage my kids when I _____________ because _________________.

Make a list of your Mom Guilt triggers. 

2. Determine What Matters Most to You
Once you’ve got your list, determine what’s most important to you. What onething will you choose to work on? Is a neat home a high priority? Look around, what’s the situation you deem a mess? How can you simplify the cleanup process or make it part of your day or even let it go a bit? 

3. Trust Yourself!
There is no one-size-fits-all momming. And there is only one you. Be you. Use your gifts, values, beliefs to guide you to parent in a way that works for you. 

4. Use Good Boundaries
You can’t please everyone. Determine who’s most important, like your husband. Consider limiting exposure to those who make you doubt yourself. And speaking of limiting exposure, if social media is a trigger. Stop scrolling! You won’t miss a thing and you may be a lot happier. 

5. Have a Trusted Circle of Friends
Find a friend or two who is kind and encouraging. And be the friend you want to have. 

If you can’t shake the mom guilt, get an accountability partner, consider a counselor, or hire a coach – there is absolutely no shame in this. We are not meant to navigate this momlife alone!