My Word for 2019: Enough
I have struggled with self doubt and feeling unworthy, not thin, smart, faithful, young, loved, loving, funny, successful, good enough, not a good enough mom, wife, friend, writer, editor, coach, etc...all of this was exposed this past year. It underlies the way I behave. The comparison trap. The feeling unpreferred, overlooked, unseen. That my value is in what I do, not that I am. But God says I am enough, right here, right now. I know it’s truly “I am enough,” because I am made by God...and because of God.
This is what has helped me let go of a lot of junk. To believe that I am enough. I am loved. Not a better version of me, but me right now. It’s allowed me to love others more freely.
Each year, as the New Year approaches, instead of a list of resolutions, I seek and find a Word for the New Year. This has been a wonderfully freeing experience.
Gone is the list of resolutions that are broken by mid-February if not sooner - lose weight, exercise every day, get out of bed at 5 am, spend two hours a day with God. (Did you know that only 8% of people who make New Year’s resolutions keep them?) Instead of bound-to-fail resolutions, I’ve chosen One Word for the New Year since 2012 when I first heard about this concept, and I’ve loved it!
The process of choosing one word is fairly simple. Basically it involves reflecting on the past year, praying, and thinking about the year ahead. I’ve included the questions that help me reach this new word. So, if you haven’t chosen a word and it sounds intriguing, you can do this for yourself anytime.
I seek my word prayerfully, asking God to guide me to my word, to please make it obvious to me. And I find He usually does through songs, scriptures, truths, themes that keep popping up.
As I reflect and mull over questions in my mind like those below, I usually come up with a word…In fact, it really seems the word finds me. It just becomes very obvious.
This year, my word is Enough. I wanted a scripture to go with this.
You have circled this mountain long enough: Now turn north. Deuteronomy 2:3
One of the things I learned over the past year is that I have a root belief that I Am Not Enough. How does this translate?
I wrongly believe:
It is not enough to be, my worth lies in what I do. The fact that I exist, that God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made, is not enough. What I do, what I offer, the way I serve and show up and help out is where my true worth lies.
I am not good enough to be loved…I have to earn love. I have to perform. For example, I have to bring value to a friendship. It’s not enough for me to just show up as me. I have to always bring something to the friendship table…or risk losing the friendship.
I am not a good enough mother. The decisions I’ve made in the past, the way I’ve raised my kids was so flawed, because I am so flawed. I have disappointed them and even hurt my kids through my brokenness.
She is enough, and I am not. When I hear of someone publishing that book, running a successful organization or practice, getting their masters, facilitating a life-changing retreat, I hold myself up to this standard, and inevitably fall short. (Comparison is a thief…but that’s another blog post!)
Since my value comes from doing and not being, I can never serve enough. I have to say yes, or risk being left out. Feeling not enough is fertile ground for major FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), being way overcommitted, and being unable to say no.
As you can see, this belief that I Am Not Enough has wreaked havoc in my life. And trust me
when I tell you, the list above is just the tip of the iceberg. As I looked back over 2018, I could see more clearly than ever that this belief is a big lie. And since God is a God of Truth, I know He wants to rid me of this belief. God desires us to be free – It is for freedom that we have been set free!
Even before I had determined that my word was Enough, I had been talking about this root belief with a friend who challenged me to write “I Am Enough” on my bathroom mirror. Honestly, it took me about a month before I took the challenge and boldly wrote out this proclamation. I finally wrote it, as you can see from the pic. I gotta tell you…this has been a daily powerful reminder. It’s one of the first messages that greets me every day.
So, my One Word for the New Year is Enough. Because I Am Enough just as I am. Right here. Right now. And where I am lacking, there is a God who says He is My Sufficiency. A God who says He is my Helper. A God who says He Provides.
I Am Enough! How about you?
Questions to Ask to Seek and Find Your One Word
1. Think about this past year. What is the One Word that might fit or define this past year? Or if you did One Word for the New Year in 2018, what was it and how did it play out in a sentence or two?
2. Now think about this next year. What do you need to help you be your best? What do you want to be better at? What would you like more of? In what areas do you desire to grow, change, develop? What do you need or desire? What is in the way? What do you need to focus on?
3. Has God been speaking to you about anything…sometimes He sends us a neon sign and you just get a message everywhere you go – in music, in the Word, in a study, in a conversation. Sometimes He whispers. Do you sense God saying anything to you?
4. What’s your word? And if you haven’t come to one…any possibilities? If not, it will come! Just continue to keep your eyes, heart, and mind open.
5. How about a scripture? Do any come to mind? You could search your word. Where does it show up in scripture?
How do you mark the New Year? Do you make resolutions? Choose a word? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.